1) The next male doctor who hands me a file thinking I'm "the secretary" will get an upper cut to the jaw
2) Please, please, PLEASE, stop rubber necking on the highway at accidents. If it's not a naked model from a Calvin Klein add throwing money at cars I;m just not interested
3) Driving + Crackberry texting = your a 'tard
4) Prefacing every question with "can I ask you a question?" - what, like another one?
5) Please leave a message - it's that simple, not call back 16 times clogging my voicemail with your hangups
6) In line at the gas station at peak hours checking e-v-e-r-y s-i-n-g-l-e lottery ticket you have saved up since 1998
7) Taking so long at the cafteria ATM at 1215 pm when I now have 10 minutes left for lunch that I begin to think you are doing the company payroll
8) Move up when you are done with the drive through order window. Don't be that guy who sits one car length away thereby preventing me from getting close enough to order. I can't be held responsible for my actions prior to coffee consuption. Fair warning.
9) Thats actualy it - I think (hey cheaper than therapy!)
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Boys, please!
This is a little tip for a few of you boys out there. Making clicking noises and kissey faces at women you find attractive will never get you laid! This is the absolute truth, I promise you that. I was in a restaurant today and the "man" (I use that term so very, very loosely) who was the perpetrator of said kissey face complete with clicking noise, was sitting with several of his other male friends. Whether he found me attractive or just wanted to mess with me, I don't know. Either way it was really sad...for him. What am I a f**cking cat!? What in the world possessed this person to think that this action would have a favourable result? Does this actually work on some women? Seriously? "Hey Lori, that guy just called out to me like a cat! I think I'm going to see if I can get his number." That would never, ever happen, unless of course said woman's last meaningful discourse with a man consisted of a spoon and a guy called Hagen Daas.
Please, please, please gentlemen, do not do this, not for me but for your penises! Really boys, it's shameful.
Please, please, please gentlemen, do not do this, not for me but for your penises! Really boys, it's shameful.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Who's Image is it Anyway?
Bare with me, I'm on a religion kick. I'm having a brief literary affair with Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris. I'm sure it will end soon. However until then, here goes.
A lot of religions out there, Christian religions especially, have the obnoxious view that they hold the one and only truth, the One True God. Homosexuals, infidels (Islam extremists I'm looking your way) and heretics should die and go to hell. They are sub-human and unworthy of the truth, the light and the love of God or Allah or whatever. So, following the lead of the Evangelicals, and I quote the Bible "Let us make man in our own image, after our likeness; and let them have stewardship over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth" (Gen. 1:26-28). I have read this over and over, I have gone one page before it and one page after, just in case it said "so kids this one is for the Catholics/Jews/Islam etc." I went to Catholic school people so I do have some idea regarding the Bible, having it crammed down your throat every day for thirteen years will give you a bit of familiarity.
So having quoted Genesis, can anyone tell me who God was making in his image? Could it be just the Catholics? Or maybe just straight people? If that's true then those wily homos have done a great job of going around looking like us straight people! If certain religions want to hide behind the Bible/Qu'ran/Torah (whatever) they must take THE WHOLE THING, not just the bits and pieces that suit their agenda. So back to God making man in His image (by the way, if we take the Bible literally, then us chicks are screwed!), I think that in lieu of specification, one must assume that the Bible is saying all (wo)man regardless of religion, race or sexual orientation.
My final word to all those who persecute others different from themselves, what makes you think that you or your religion is so damn special that the truth is yours alone? Wake up and smell the hypocrisy! Every man, woman and child is made in His image. Persecute them and you persecute the Lord. Think about that the next time you judge.
Preaching over!
A lot of religions out there, Christian religions especially, have the obnoxious view that they hold the one and only truth, the One True God. Homosexuals, infidels (Islam extremists I'm looking your way) and heretics should die and go to hell. They are sub-human and unworthy of the truth, the light and the love of God or Allah or whatever. So, following the lead of the Evangelicals, and I quote the Bible "Let us make man in our own image, after our likeness; and let them have stewardship over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth" (Gen. 1:26-28). I have read this over and over, I have gone one page before it and one page after, just in case it said "so kids this one is for the Catholics/Jews/Islam etc." I went to Catholic school people so I do have some idea regarding the Bible, having it crammed down your throat every day for thirteen years will give you a bit of familiarity.
So having quoted Genesis, can anyone tell me who God was making in his image? Could it be just the Catholics? Or maybe just straight people? If that's true then those wily homos have done a great job of going around looking like us straight people! If certain religions want to hide behind the Bible/Qu'ran/Torah (whatever) they must take THE WHOLE THING, not just the bits and pieces that suit their agenda. So back to God making man in His image (by the way, if we take the Bible literally, then us chicks are screwed!), I think that in lieu of specification, one must assume that the Bible is saying all (wo)man regardless of religion, race or sexual orientation.
My final word to all those who persecute others different from themselves, what makes you think that you or your religion is so damn special that the truth is yours alone? Wake up and smell the hypocrisy! Every man, woman and child is made in His image. Persecute them and you persecute the Lord. Think about that the next time you judge.
Preaching over!
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Common Sense in the USA - MIA
Lately I have been reading a lot of the newest books debunking religion and God. I haven't completely weighed in on everything yet, for me to discard the notion of my God would almost be like no longer brushing my teeth every day. Its been with me since I was a child. I was raised relatively secular with the most religious thing thrown around in my house was "do to others what you would have them do to you" translation be nice. When we did go to church it felt forced, unnatural, I remember my mum kneeling in prayer and while she did her best to act natural, she still seemed like she was wearing cold, wet underwear. It never seemed natural to me either.
I have always felt really uncomfortable with ultra religious people. I feel like they all see me as deluded, like a parent watching a clueless child explain the logistics of Santa Claus on Christmas eve. Take for example Creationist vs Darwinian theory of evolution. Most of the Bible Belt in the US believe in creationism, that we appeared from Adam and Eve and we are now as we were then. I personally don't buy this, that Noah but everything two by two onto an ark and saved the world as we now know it. If that were so, every single animal would have either become genetically mutated to the point that they would be no more than a puddle with eyes or die out entirely (think Hapsburg line).
As for the Darwinian theory it kind of makes sense. How can you dispute the discovery of bones found that show though humans looked markedly different millions of years ago, we stood up straight and walked, there is even evidence that they spoke. In the face of such compelling evidence the creationists scoff, and hold up an overly translated book as proof positive. Remember that game Telephone that you may have played as a child? After 10 people the story's unrecognizable from the original, so what do you think happened after 2000 years?
These same religious fanatics who believe in Noah's Ark, Jesus resurrecting from the dead etc., would call you insane if you said you saw something like a ghost or a spirit, or that you believed God sent messages to some people through their dreams. So as I understand it, only one small group of people in history were allowed magical powers and the rest of us peasants are supposed to read about it and believe it and tithe to the institutions that represent these magical beings. If you oversimplify it becomes kind of ludicrous.
I don't mean to make fun or offend anyone, I just want to point out the hypocrisy that surrounds fanaticism. I don't want to throw out the beliefs of religion, what I do want is for people of a strong religious bent to be tolerant and open minded to alternative explainations of our being. Believing in scientific findings for the theory of evolution does not mean that you turn your back on your religion, or your God(s). You can have yur cake and eat it too.
I have always felt really uncomfortable with ultra religious people. I feel like they all see me as deluded, like a parent watching a clueless child explain the logistics of Santa Claus on Christmas eve. Take for example Creationist vs Darwinian theory of evolution. Most of the Bible Belt in the US believe in creationism, that we appeared from Adam and Eve and we are now as we were then. I personally don't buy this, that Noah but everything two by two onto an ark and saved the world as we now know it. If that were so, every single animal would have either become genetically mutated to the point that they would be no more than a puddle with eyes or die out entirely (think Hapsburg line).
As for the Darwinian theory it kind of makes sense. How can you dispute the discovery of bones found that show though humans looked markedly different millions of years ago, we stood up straight and walked, there is even evidence that they spoke. In the face of such compelling evidence the creationists scoff, and hold up an overly translated book as proof positive. Remember that game Telephone that you may have played as a child? After 10 people the story's unrecognizable from the original, so what do you think happened after 2000 years?
These same religious fanatics who believe in Noah's Ark, Jesus resurrecting from the dead etc., would call you insane if you said you saw something like a ghost or a spirit, or that you believed God sent messages to some people through their dreams. So as I understand it, only one small group of people in history were allowed magical powers and the rest of us peasants are supposed to read about it and believe it and tithe to the institutions that represent these magical beings. If you oversimplify it becomes kind of ludicrous.
I don't mean to make fun or offend anyone, I just want to point out the hypocrisy that surrounds fanaticism. I don't want to throw out the beliefs of religion, what I do want is for people of a strong religious bent to be tolerant and open minded to alternative explainations of our being. Believing in scientific findings for the theory of evolution does not mean that you turn your back on your religion, or your God(s). You can have yur cake and eat it too.
So I forgot my password...
This is a continuation of my previous blog "Just a Thought". I wrestled with my login and password resetting etc for an hour, gave up and decided to start a new one. I encourage you to read my previous posts at http://arnold-eitzen.blogspot.com/.
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