I have written about this before - virginity - although I'm quite at a loss to describe what it is. I am not alone. Many books and articles have been written about this subject and what confounds me is why society is still obsessed with it in the 21st century. When this subject is brought up I personally feel that we are debating the virtues of corsets and bustles. Antiquated. In the last 20 years there seems to be a resurgence of virginity crusades from Purity Balls, where a girl as young as 5 years old pledges her virginity to be protected by her father until she marries (a little creepy) to abstinence only programs (a petrie dish for a new generation of AIDS and other STI recipients). My question still is 'why?' How can this benefit our society? Why is a woman's purity even a subject after women's lib? Why is a man's purity never mentioned? So here it is, a girl gets married as a virgin while her new husband 'sowed his wild oats' a la Old Testament. Neither has received proper information on contraception or safe sex and BAM! He's given her a funk STI and she's knocked up before the honeymoon is over and neither one has a clue how to handle the situation. They got married at 19 because the blue balls was crippling the guy and she just couldn't hear anymore of his whining about it. I'm generalizing I know but this isn't unrealistic. My parents didn't do the whole 'wait until marriage' spiel. They advocated informed decisions, action-and-consequence, and sex as a sacred expression between loving partners (at least at the outset). Lo and behold, neither of their daughters were sexually active while in high school. Their teachings rang true and taught us to make a sound choice. There is a pervasive fear that one's daughter will become a trollop while still cutting her teeth in the world, taking many men to her bed until no one wants her and she's end up an old, lonely, slut. If that isn't the Bogey man of all tales to tell one's daughter I don't know what is. Also, in the case of this Purity Ball crap, the parents are essentially saying to their daughter 'you are only an acceptable woman if you get married', not to mention extremely sexually frustrated until you do. With youthful hormones raging, this can be a recipe for a disastrous marriage made not with a sound mind but driven by a libido in overdrive. Can I hold up for the jury Exhibit A - Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey. She daddy's little virgin, he really effing horny; flash two years later and divorce. Now what? Do we have to wait until marriage again or because the horse has been let out of the gate no one is too worried about how many cars get parked in her garage. Well, now here's a problem. She has no idea what a condom is or how to properly use one, never mind the pill. These were completely unnecessary in the bridal bed.
Virginity is a concept that was originally used as assurance that a man's line would not be contaminated with another man's seed. You knew the little filly you just bought and bedded was carrying some other guy's bastard child which would make you the laughing stock and jeopardize the family fortune. Here in the 21st century this isn't a concern. Two of man's greatest items - birth control and DNA testing people! In a world where girls and women have more than enough body issues and self doubt on the precipice of their dawning adulthood, do we need to add this one? Virginity, vulvuloplasty, re-virginization? Why? WHY? We are surgeons, business women, CEO's, PR exec's, writers, academics, or just plain old Jane trying to get through another day but hell! This is not something to encourage in women, a self hatred of our sexual selves. And gentlemen, believe me when I say that you will have a far better time in the boudoir if your lady isn't a shrinking violet in virginal white. Who wants to be a teacher all the time huh?
Last I checked, Darfur was still a horrific mess, Haiti is effed right up and there are starving children all over the world - maybe stop obsessing about vaginas and expend the energy more constructively huh?
1 comment:
hahaha you are hilarious, but oh so right!
Firstly, you're right mum and dad never pushed abstinence, in fact mum down right denied it as an option saying sexual chemistry is very important in a relationship. However for me, watching tv shows and movies that did talk about waiting until marriage as being The Right Thing to do as a respectful and intelligent young woman, I lived with that in mind for far too long. Add to that the image of sex out of wedlock being dirty, I was right fucked up with what the hell I was supposed to do to be a respectful, intelligent, clean young woman.
Thankfully I've pushed all of those negative connotations toward sex out of my head and now have a healthy view on it (or at least I think I do), but jesus christ is it easy to get all fucked up about what to believe and better yet what to do.
Secondly, I totally agree and say lets end the conversation on "purity", teach safe sex practices, provide information, educate, and then spend the energy saved from stressing over purity issues on feeding starving children, natural disaster relief, education of women in Afghanistan and Pakistan, ending wars, making peace, finding water and energy depletion solutions, and encouraging our children to find happiness and not to worry about saving themselves for marriage as long as they're happy, responsible and protect themselves, and their partner.
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